No Control

I feel as though the one topic I can talk about and know that I have business talking about it, would be anxiety and depression. I’ve struggled with comprehending how to live with anxiety and depression, more so when I was in my tween years, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my daily battles anymore.

Anxiety on top of more anxiety

I like to think that mental health has become more accepted within our society in the past 10 years. I wouldn’t know approximately how long it’s been, given 10 yeas ago I was only 9, but at least from what I’ve seen in my recent young adult life, I’d say it’s been 10 years.

It’s not easy having anxiety and depression. They love to walk hand-in-hand together no matter what the situation is. I’ll be honest and say that 60% of the time I feel normal, thanks to my anxiety medicine. Instead of worrying about how I’m running late by 30 seconds my scheduled time to leave, which is always enough time to be wherever I need to be AT LEAST 15 minutes early (yes, that’s actually something that caused me to have an anxiety attack), now I only worry if I’m actually 5-10 minutes behind schedule.

As a tween, I couldn’t fathom what was happening inside of my head. All I could understand was the fact that I felt insane. I constantly put myself down for not understanding what was going on in my own head. Panic attacks became a normal thing for me to deal with and if you’ve ever had one you can sympathize on how hard those can be on one’s mind. If you’ve never experienced one or can’t grasp how terrible they can be, I’ll give you an example. It’s like being locked in a jail cell, no way out, while the rest of the inmates are running around wild with weapons. They’ll run by your cell and start banging on the bars and all you want is to be left alone, but that’s not an option. You must sit there and watch them cause complete chaos while feeling helpless and alone.

I want others who struggle with anxiety and depression to know, it will get easier. I’m not saying I know how or when you’ll feel better, but I will tell you that I’m still here trying to improve my outlook on my own anxiety and depression. If you have any questions, comments, emotional outbursts, feel free to contact me, I’m just here to tell my stories to try to help, even if it’s only one out of the two that may read this.


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